I was looking forward to our next adventure because I got to hang with my old super-buddies after a really long break from them. The good Dwarf Cleric-Brewmaster Morrik and Dandelion “D” the Bard who happens to be my talented counterpart in the famous 2 Lutes for Love. Insta-Headache & Pookie were there too…ahem.
So everyone knows by now that most of us helped Arweth (formerly of Gyruff) pull away from Gran March control and now is considered independent under the rule of our Buddy Gareth. I was one of many friends appointed to Baronet status in Arweth to rule a particular area to secure & financially stabilize Arweth. So far all has been running smooth and good for me at Fort Resolve.
That’s when life usually sends harsh remainders, sometimes without warning, that things can get pretty rough and ugly if you don’t watch out. Yeah…so the Gran March is going through kind of a political thing which is hard for me to explain because it’s real boring. Their existing ruler blah blah blah really long name ending in Neholin has not been doing anything about Arweth. Just letting us alone which is the way it should be Man! Some in the Gran March don’t like that stance which to them appears weak and want to “No Confidence” vote him out and get a new ruler in there. Perhaps one that will come back to Arweth and flatten us silly and maybe Gyruff too if they feel like it with their strong military might. Apparently he is just not as hot as I am because I would be in that position indefinitely. I mean come on…just look at me, right? I ooze confidence Baby! Okay, so our goal was to travel to the Gran March’s capital city and change hearts & minds to favor the existing ruler or those candidates with a more…non-destructive attitude towards Arweth and Gyruff. We also had some research on where the Houses of Gran March stood on that topic. I was really pumped too because we had our best social, talking, convincing, motivating personnel on this one. And if any of these Marchers were hot chicks…well let’s just say D and I will also will be “improving relations” between our two Kingdoms as well! Oh yeah, Bam!!!
We began our journey at New Midwood and started the journey East. Unlike the boating life, traveling by land tends to lead to encounters, which it did. Figures. We stumbled onto a couple of Gran March or Knights of the Watch mounted knights…fully armored and ready to skewer the barbarians of Arweth. Some of these loser knight-sacks didn’t leave Arweth and don’t recognize the transfer of power that took place. What the $@*^!? Well these guys were really hurting because I guess they have slaves do everything for them: cook, clean, take care of the horse, probably wipe their @$$, etc. and without that forced labor support network…big helpless losers! But they can still fight which makes them dangerous. Since the knight-sacks couldn’t hear or see anything in those plume-ridden thick helmets, they did not notice us. We thought about just leaving them be but knew they would cause trouble for someone else. D approached to talk with them while we stayed out of sight. It turns out they were sick too with God knows what and hunting for barbarian ruffians to vanquish! D commenced verbally tearing them a new one on their appearance, condition of equipment, wellbeing of their horses, etc. I almost…almost felt sorry for them due to the verbal lashing. Well, after they had enough of a tear-down by D they decided to move on. That is when Insta-Headache stood up and announced herself as a ruffian. Let the games begin! They charged and we attacked. At least before the end of these knight-sacks they got to witness and experience the full force and glory of MazerBeams™. I did take a bit of damage for once but Mazer can take a hit or two just fine. Just don’t touch the face. Ended up with a newly acquired and fully armored war horse too. Sweet!
We arrived in Hochoch where our buddy Gareth resided. I was a bit surprised to find the town turning a bit more to the shady side. Crime, gambling, drinking, paid companionship were the main activities now with really competitive prices for almost anything else. As people of high important status we found the classiest establishment to stay at for the night which was very crowded. After we were all set-up and the night-life started, D and I played our 2 Lutes for Love set for all to enjoy, which they did. As always…nailed it! After, we did what we do equally as best…mingle and schmooze. Turns out a lot of big family names from Keoland are hanging out in Hochoch investing in businesses and real estate. Soon after commencing the mingle & schmooze activities of course D & I both land very hot and very rich girlfriends for the night. Bam…survey says…Blondes! Bing! D had some hot Rhola chick infatuated with him…Domitianus I think. A real looker. Ole Mazer here landed a very hot Neheli chick with a real kick ‘in figure! Nasicai was her name. Even Insta-Headache found suitable female companionship and Pookie was just going to rob someone I guess. She needs a new hobby. Buddy Morrik pounded the endless drinks. Didn’t take long for us all to be invited upstairs. D & I retired for the night with our hot and exotic ladies not to be seen until morning. Morrik hit the private bar lounge upstairs. Turns out Insta-Headache rolled a big bad snake-eyes because a scream soon lashed out from their room. Her female companion turned out to be a real frick’in vampire and it got in a couple nasty bloody melee hits on her too. There was quite a commotion when Morrik…even without spilling his drink (impressive) did his cleric thing and turned the undead vamp-sack and it hatefully went out through a window. Bad karmas a bitch, isn’t it Insta-Headache? It’s good that I don’t know anything about vampires through, umm, yeah…nothing at all.
Turns out there is a real kept-quiet secret here in Hochoch…they have a vampire problem. Wonderful. Add that to the enormous to-do list but we had to get moving. Down the road we went and into Gran March territory. Traveled through a bunch of smaller towns on the way to the capital named Hookhill, City of the Lance. Turns out the closer you get to Hookhill…the more politically gossipy…and I mean gossipy the towns get and more information you can pick up. Whether its accurate information or not remains to be seen. One reoccurring gossipy story we heard was about blah blah blah really long name ending in Asterran Ocedrius of House Dorth who is also a candidate is devastated by the recent lost his son and wants to bring him back from the dead soooo bad that he has begun worshiping the Whispered One, drinking, keeps to himself, etc. Yikes, that’s not good! Well we rode on, listened, and arrived safely at Hookhill.
The City of the Lance is a pretty cool place with many people, very detailed, and organized. We rode around to assess the outskirts of the city first and then inside the walls to the different Wards. We decided to find a place to stay and found The Royal Dragon Inn was great establishment that suited our wealthy tastes. Morrik suggested a tavern we could go visit, the Mead & Miel Tavern. D & I usually let him pick the tavern since there usually is an absence of dwarven women around. Well D and I decided to repeat and give this Gran March city a real show for a change! 2 Lutes for Love was ALL NEW for them and nailed it…again. They loved us! How can you not, right? We could barely get off the stage when we were both grabbed by hot attractive women! Time to double-down on our Girlfriend tour. Schwing! Okay…sometimes Mazer gets a bit jealous when D lands a better prospect than I do. This was one of those times. The daughter of the current leader of Gran March was in attendance and picked up D! Tallia Neholin had it all. Looks, wealth, looks, power, looks, tough as nails, looks, etc. and D got an instant “IN” and possible influence with the current rulers family. Wow. They soon disappeared into the night and were not see until morning. Way to go D! Ole’ Mazer here did well for himself too but it turns out I was the “prey” this time and caught the eye of Lady Ogiva Valon, wife of blah blah blah really long name ending in Valon. Winner! Another house we can possibly influence. Well I got a quick invitation back to her place because her hubby only cares about money and does not pay attention to her. Quite a pity because she is real hot and intelligent! Never had that combo before, huh? She is middle aged but…Mazer don’t discriminate like that because in addition to her being rich, hot, and smart, an experienced woman can sometimes teach a young Mazer here a thing or two. I was great as always, she was too, I learned stuff, repeated improved performance, and in the morning was invited back WHENEVER the hell I wanted to! Hey, it’s Me! She let me know that she has great influence over her husband because she is the one with the money. We only just arrived and already could possibly influence two Gran March houses. I wonder if tomorrow night was going to be this enjoyable and fun?
No…no it wasn’t. That’s when the mystery and violence started up in Hookhill. (Suspenseful musical interlude on the Lute…) Working on Volume 2. Mazer